This came off my Facebook. These have been doing the rounds with everyone contributing, so I finally did my own when Cannetti caved and did one himself.


Pete's Note:
Unlike every other one of these you read I am not including things like, "I am currently sitting at a desk which is brown!"
Instead I am going to try and make them thoughtful. I apologize if they read long.


1) Probably one of the most random bad things that ever happened to me in my life yet, was I was once attacked by a swarm of bees. Although there is no exact count of how many times I was stung, it is estimated to be in the hundreds. A great many bees that were still lodged in me by their stingers were washed off in a bathtub before I was rushed to the hospital where they still pulled off 36 more.

2) I have only ever dated and kissed one woman, and I married her after 7 years. It will be 10 years since we met in April. We dated from the time we were 16 through college all long distance, seeing each other as often as we could, got engaged on our 5th anniversary, and got married in August of 2006. We have been living together in NYC ever since.

3) I am completely straight edge. I have never in my life drank so much as a beer, smoked a cigarette or used anything but prescribed drugs. I intend for this to last til the day I die, hopefully a ripe old age. I did not even drink the champagne at my own wedding.

4) I am very interested in outer space. The original career path I was seeking to pursue was engineering, and specifically aerospace engineering. I intended to work for NASA or some similar group. I hope to go into space some day.

5) I once saw a movie where a giant monster from another planet comes to Earth and the person who was the "chosen one" who was the only person who could stop the monster, was the world's most average human being. Someone who was exactly in the middle. Not too tall, nor too short, not too fat nor too skinny, not too intelligent nor too stupid etc. Exactly in the middle for all things. I consider myself to be that man, and am awaiting the arrival of said monster.

6) I love technology in all forms and am fascinated by human ingenuity that creates it. Sometimes the sight of human creation can be as beautiful to me as any majestic sight in nature.

7) I don't believe in organized religions as the different people of the world would have you prescribe to. I do believe there are some form of higher beings but that Earthly religions have all gotten the point wrong. The point is not what you believe in or worship, but that you have faith in general. That you treat other people right and try to make the best of your life while you can. If I'm wrong, at least I can say that I was a good person.

8) I have a strong dislike and intolerance for heat. I always prefer colder weather (60-65 degrees F is my favorite). I hate cooking because heat from the oven bothers me extremely. However, I love fire and consider myself a hobbyist pyromaniac. My favorite character in Team Fortress 2 is the pyro.

9) I have a ridiculous thirst for knowledge. I love to know how things work. I am known by many people who know me as a source of tons of useless/useful knowledge on the most random topics you'd never expect me to know about. My memory is at its sharpest when recalling strange details about thing's I've learned over time.

10) I love stories of all kinds, which makes me an avid reader and fan of movies and TV. I always crave new or interesting stories, and often bother my friends to tell me theirs in excruciating detail (right Cannetti?).

11) I am something of a "selective obsessive compulsive". I have some habits or methods of doing things that always have to be done exactly the same way. This sometimes feeds into my thirst for knowledge, especially when I set goals to read or finish things 100% There are many things I set these goals for that I never finish however, as I move onto the next thing before I can. Many times this is not even for reasons like boredom or dislike, but just because I am always ready for the next thing. I also have a funny habit of tapping on things as I walk by them sometimes.

12) I am an avid gamer. I have played video games since I was little and continue til today. I don't consider myself to be a pro gamer, but I am at least intermediate to advanced in most types of games, especially FPS games. On my 360 I currently have a huge to-do/play list because as stated in #11 I often move on to newer games before I finish current ones even if I love playing them. I am hoping to get back to many of them eventually.

13) I love driving cars. I am completely content driving 10 or more hours at a time. I have owned 2 cars, technically 3, but I only drove my first car which was an old 69' Chevy truck for a few minutes before we disassembled it to do work on it to restore it, which we never finished. I am not a car enthusiast per se, but I love seeing different cars and especially driving them. I have on occasion done valet parking jobs which has allowed me to drive some of the coolest cars in my life. I hope to strike it rich and own a few some day. I currently live in NYC where I can't have a car. This sometimes gets me down.

14) I don't necessarily want to be a celebrity, but I would like people to recognize me for my accomplishments past, present and future. I often feel like I am skimming the border of this, just in the background. I hope to become a popular photographer or become "internet famous" for my animated show/comic Unsuper (if I ever get it off the ground). I love the feeling when people enjoy thing's I've created.

15) I have never been the popular kid. In the first half of my life I was picked on a lot. But in the second half of my life, I haven't been the unpopular kid either. I have always just "been there". People for the most part like me, they don't necessarily want to hang out with me, but they don't dislike me. It's a strange place, where I have unfortunately become comfortable. The problem with this is I sometimes don't like the feeling of being the guy in the background.

16) The biggest regret in my life was going to my college, Fairleigh Dickinson University. While there are many things I gained from it including a wide array of knowledge and skills, a larger view of the world and people, and perhaps the best friend of my life, there were many more downsides. Many things that occurred and people that treated me like shit act like scars on my mind that I still think about many days. When I look back on my college years, I don't associate them with happiness on the whole as most other people do, and for that I feel robbed.

17) I am not good at and don't enjoy self-editing. Even though it sometimes makes things not live up to the potential they could, I like to tell stories in great detail, or even write things like this now in that way. I could express myself in shorter form, but that's never been my way. This even affects some of the films I have made throughout time. I also enjoy going to 3 or more hour long movies while everyone else complains.

18) I am not all that gifted when it comes to sports. Regardless, I do enjoy playing many of them. My favorite is Hockey, and I love playing goalie. This was a benefit to everyone I went to high school with as no one wanted to be goalie on days we played hockey in gym class. As a result I became a very good goalie. My fondest memories are playing on the frozen pond with my friends (before global warming put a stop to that in recent years) and not letting a single goal past in the hockey tourney on Whalers day at Pierson, leading my class to win. I also like playing Tennis second best, and baseball third. I hate all televised sports except for Hockey and on championships in all other sports (ie: superbowl, world championships in baseball etc).

19) I have met a number of celebrities living and working in NYC and the Hamptons. My favorite one was John Stewart from the Daily Show whom I sat and talked with for a good 45 minutes one day. He is a genuinely nice human being and as funny in person as he is on the show. My most regretted one was meeting Steven Spielberg and not recognizing it was him until after he left, when I could no longer ask/beg for a job.

20) I have a natural talent and instinct towards nature. Animals of all kinds typically gravitate to me, often leaving people saying, "my ____ never goes up to people like this!" This has also come in handy in the wild when photographing birds/critters as they will actually usually not run away from me.

21) I have a natural compass and sense of direction. I love maps but often don't need them. At any time coming out of any subway in NYC I can usually correctly figure out which way you are facing and where you have to go next within seconds. This has come in handy on many, many occasions.

22) I am a scary judge of character. I can often decide all that I need to know about a person within the first few moments of meeting them. If an impression I have doesn't immediately pan out, it almost always does in the long run. I am fiercely loyal to friends and people who treat me right, and i am as fiercely vengeful towards the opposite. I am quick to forgive someone when I realize they are genuine and regress to forgive people who have seriously wronged me long after many others have forgiven them or at least forgotten.

23) I have a very wry sense of humor for the most part. I often am at my most humorous when slipping in little jokes at the wrong time. I have a great sense of humor overall and love laughing. Being excessively happy is my most favorite feeling and I often make jokes to keep things that way, and to make others feel the same. There is nothing better to me than when someone genuinely laughs at something I've said or done.

24) I often don't know where I am headed in life and tend to just go with the flow. I have been doing a lot of debating recently as to where my life is headed. I think I've finally figured it out. My major goal in life right now and for the future is to start my own business and become successful as a photographer.

25) New York City is a part of me. When I was growing up on the east end of long island, I loved Sag Harbor, but knew there was something more out there for me. At this point in my life, I only feel right living in NYC. Something about waking up in the morning and walking out onto the street only to remember I'm in the city of cities really makes me feel at home. I don't think there is a greater place on Earth, and couldn't be happier starting my family and adult life here. As the great Billy Joel said, "I'm in a New York State of Mind".

This is a story I wrote in March 2008. It's being reposted for the masses to see.

It was during my time in Tanzania Africa recently that I came across a marvelous discovery. To preface, before I left I had discussed with my good and dear friend Michael Cannetti, the existence of a very special and very rare animal.

Mike had asked me, "So are you going to watch the Gizzle as it grazes in the open plain (Australian accent needed for this statement.)". I at first mistook his meaning for watching a Gazelle graze, but then I recalled having heard of a mysterious animal by that name. As we began to discuss, Mike at first suggested he thought it resembled something of a "dog-like" creature, a Dingo. But that wasn't it. I thought hard about it and remembered that it was known to be a very fast animal with some interesting facial features. Finally and triumphantly, Mike recalled that it was part Gazelle, part Ostrich, and part something far more sinister.

It was with great courage and ingenuity that I set out upon the plains of the Serengeti searching for this elusive beast. A promise was forged that I would bring home a photo of the animal in all its natural glory. A promise made to my dear, dear Cannetti. Many days were spent traversing long distances of nearly endless plains and nights were spent fending off Lions and Leopards as they viciously attacked our camps. Many brave men and women were lost. Time seemed to come to a crawl, each passing day another thousand Gazelle's but no Gizzle. Another flock of Ostriches, but none close to what I had traveled so far to find.

It is easy for one's mind to start playing tricks out in the plains. With the intense sun and heat, mirages form in the distance, drawing you near but only to find naught but your own blood, sweat and tears. Days became weeks. Weeks became months. And through it all, my hope prevailed. Though fading as I was in both physical health and sanity, I pushed ever on.

Disease swept me. The local peoples took me in, gave me care. I slowly returned back to my former health, but at such costs of time and resources it seemed my task would soon become impossible. It was with great desperation I decided to stay among them, hoping I could learn their ways.

A year went by, and then another and they thought me many things. They taught of tracking and the ways of the wild. They told me legends passed down for centuries by their ancestors, all brave warriors forged out of the very earth of the African plains. All the while, the great Gizzle eluded even their finest and most courageous; all but one that is. They told of a warrior chief, said to have been birthed of their gods, but made to walk the earth as a man. Each passing story of this ancient soul grew a fire in my heart, the flames of which would not be extinguished so easily again. At the end of my time there, my strength and hope renewed, I made another promise. To come back some day, if only by the grace of some higher power, and share my adventures with them. And to take all that they taught me and honor them by seeking out the Gizzle, even if it meant my certain death.

It was with new fervor I set out again through the jungles and across the plains. Swimming the widest deltas and climbing the highest of mountains. Surely nothing would get in my way. Time still was not kind, and the elements dropped upon me by the fates themselves broke and battered my body, but still I pressed on. With increased accuracy I found signs of the beast, now just barely escaping my grasp. Living off what sustenance I could find, and always moving. Neither rain nor raging fire could slow my speed. Animals both great and small cowered and ran as I rolled through their territory like the very lightning that lit up the sky; territory in which only one man had before tread. Earth shook, winds roared, kicking up great dust storms to blind me, and yet I pressed on. All the terrible beasts of the wild descended on me, and were left crippled in my trail.

It was on the final day that the entire world seemed to revert back to a cool and calm nature. I had walked through the fires of hell in the jungle, and had not been burned. It was this morning, sun shining and not a cloud in the sky that I knew I had overcome the creature that had only previously taunted me in my dreams. Through bushes and trees I tread, out into an open clearing. A clearing that the sharp eyes of an Eagle could not see across. Breath came shallow through my lungs, a light breeze in the air that smelled of spring born anew. Flocks of animals grazed in the tall grasses, numbered in the hundreds of thousands. A glorious sight for any tired eyes to come on. A true honor to solely witness such beauty. I set out, knowing that this day would be the day of reckoning. Time here did not change. Though hours passed, the sun stayed fixed in the sky.

What strength I had, what courage and power, now seemed drained of me despite all odds. Each passing step in this mystical place seemed like a thousand. Each breath was as heavy as an Elephant and as thin as a Butterfly's delicate wing. I was just short of my dieing breath. Cursing the ground I now crawled on, and the evil fates for having dragged me so far only to fail at the closest possible moment. My resolve all but extinct I pulled myself just one final foot farther, hoping, praying that that final step in this great and unending journey would land me my prize. In this very moment, and not one moment sooner, I collapsed, face in the dirt, to await my final demise.

It was then through the harsh and drumming sound echoing through my ears and brain that the light breeze still blowing, and taunting me, carried on it the slightest of sounds. A sound I had not heard since the night spent near the campfires of the local people who had changed my life. It was the sound of laughter. My mind reeled. I could not make sense of this sound, out here in this place, where no normal man could go. Where only one great god-like man had gone before. And yet, there it was all the same.

My muscles tightened as I turned my neck up, and felt as though they were snapping as rubber bands pulled too tight one too many times. My eyes, caked with dust, cracked and creaked slowly open once again as great steel and wooden doors from castles long ago. A blur of light flooded in, combined with the awful drumming in my head making me feel as though a great explosion were just milliseconds away from removing my head from its place on my shoulders. And the laughing, amongst everything else, prevailed. Closer it came, though I could not focus where. Closer and closer. Without a moments notice my eyes cleared, the ringing in my ears ceased and standing before me, as great and terrible as the legends had told, was the animal. This creature I had spent so many years of my life seeking out. This great omnipotent figment of man's imagination made real right before my eyes and shivering soul. The Gizzle stood, amongst the thousands of animals walking the endless mystical plain. Stood laughing. Like a banshee. Laughing at the futility of all my endeavors. Laughing I could feel from the tips of my toes to the end of the hairs on my head. Feeling that once again lit a fire. Kindling at first yes, but within seconds it became as large as any fire man had ever seen. Brighter and hotter than a thousand atomic bombs lighting up the night sky.

My arm flew with grace and precision to my side where my old trusty camera hung. Seemingly forged by some greater power, it hung, working miraculously as the day I had first placed it there. Like birds on the wind it came to my face. Lens cap off, focus locked. My eyes now pumping with furious blood and anger looked through the viewfinder, light and shape and color bending through the lens and into my very being. My finger flinched and SNAP!

It was all gone. I pulled the camera away from my face. No sounds existed anymore but that of a solitary cricket chirping away. It was dusk. In a moment of terror I tore around in a circle. Where was I? I came to grips. I breathed in the deep cool air. I waited. The last shimmering essence of light disappeared over the flat rolling plain in front of me. I reached down to find a hard shape at my side. From some small source of light nearby I could make out my camera, still hanging dutifully at my side. And then a voice…

"Time to go sir." A human voice? I turned to see my prior guide, long dead to me standing as plain as day not 3 meters away. I stepped awkwardly back. "Are you alright sir?" he asked. My voice slowly found its way out, but only above a peep. "Yes, I think so". Perplexed I followed after him. Into the Safari jeep I climbed. Had it all happened? What sort of trickery could this all be? We drove along through the early night, and I spent all the time re-running the events through my head. I couldn't understand what I had just experienced. I was certainly back where I had started. In fact, I knew it was the tenth and final day of my original trip. We were on our way to the airport where I would leave this place. Leave it all behind. All I had seen and experienced.

The thought made me happy. A dream, I thought. All of it. I allowed myself to relax and lean back in the dusty leather seat. We arrived at the airport. We wished me farewell, and I thanked him for his guidance. I waited a short while until being ushered onto the large 747 to head back to civilization and life as I knew it. The stewardess came by and greeted me with a nice cold drink. It seemed strange the taste of it, as if I had gone without for so long I could no longer remember the taste or feeling. I almost immediately slipped into a deep sleep. Darkness totally, and peace. Though it would not last.

A fire roared in front of me. I fell back, stunned by this change of events. I whipped my neck back and forth trying to figure out where I had now ended up. What was happening to me? Then a soft, but firm hand touched my shoulder. I was suddenly very calm and a familiar breeze seemed to hang in the air. The hand which led to an arm and a great hulking figure moved from behind me and sat down next to me. I knew his face without ever having seen it. Hundreds of stories of his greatness had etched this image into my mind like it was carved into solid stone. We sat for some time in quiet. Whether it was a lack of anything to say or a great mutual respect we felt, I can not say. It was I who finally spoke. "Why?" I asked. Simple a question as a man can ask. In this place it seemed to echo, like in a cave or great canyon. He did not answer immediately, but I was not in a rush to hear whatever answer he may have. My mind still raced, was it real? Was it all a dream? Finally his mouth opened.

"Believe.", he said. Before I could ask anything else my eyes popped open as the stewardess bumped into my arm. "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I hope I didn't damage it.", She quipped.  As she moved away, this thought perplexed me. Damaged what? I followed a path down my arm to my hand which hung loosely in the aisle. And in it was my camera. I nearly jumped out of my seat with horror. "Of course! Why didn't I check it sooner!?" The commotion caused a few other souls to wake and give lazy stares and mixed grumbling noises in my direction, but I didn't care. I flicked on the switch and pressed the review button. A single tear rolled down my face.

Believe…

It comes as a great disservice that the story of the Great Kitten Prank has never been put to page until now. After all, the events that largely affected one Mister Michael Vincent Cannetti, unfolded in the balmy summer days of July 2006. Though it has been told on occasion to friends of Mike Cannetti's or mine, it never had the full effect. The reason is, this prank was largely carried out over the internet. And as things that happen in real life can seldom be told well over the internet, the opposite applies here. One must be able to read the correspondence that took place that really gave this prank its amazing longevity and potency when the final bells tolled.

Before I dig into the prank, I should clarify a few things in the writing to come. Some of the story is lost to time. Faded memories will allow me to only input what I can remember about it well, the rest I will have to recreate to the best of my ability. Everything else will be carried by copied and pasted excerpts from the actual email chains that took place throughout. These actual surviving excerpts will be italicized. Please enjoy.

- July 5, 2006. The prank begins.
As I recall, Mike and I were conversing by our usual means over Gmail chat or something similar. I don't recall why or how it started. My best guess is we were discussing my now-wife/then-fiance Angie, and my upcoming wedding. I'm sure as well the talk evolved into a wedding gift from Mike to us. Because the idea to prank Angie came as a kitten wrapped in a bow. To expand on that, Mike and I for whatever reason thought it would be an excellent idea to pull a little prank on Angie. The idea was discussed thoroughly and unfolded as follows...

I took Angie with me to pick up lunch at a local salad bar/delicatessen. On the way there is the most worried dramatic voice I could muster I said something like, "Mike Cannetti told me what he got us for a wedding gift." She was at first unstirred by the direness in my voice but asked about it further. "Ang, it's kind of a problem. He got us a kitten."

Anyone who knows Angie, knows well her allergy to cats. Not to mention, at the time we were living in a non-pet friendly building so we couldn't take in a cat even if we wanted to.

"What do you mean he got us a kitten?", she asked. "Exactly that, he went to some kind of shelter or something and picked out a kitten to give to us. He has it at his house." Immediately Angie's mind fired from the norm of something like, "What the hell is he thinking?" straight to something more like, "Well maybe we can see if someone at the office would take him." I'm sure it took a few minutes of time for this to occur but it seemed quick to me. Very resourceful she is. Anyway, I kept playing it up as much as I could, asking her things like, "What are we going to do? He can't return it!!". Eventually I realized this was an error, as she started coming close to being very upset. The last thing I wanted was for her to start crying surrounded by strangers in the middle of a midtown deli. "Alright, calm down, its OK it's just a joke." "What?" "Its a joke, the cat isn't real, Mike and I are joking with you, he didn't get us a cat, don't worry." After I'm sure her being pissed at me for a few seconds, she gave in and realized it was kind of a funny and dumb idea.

"I was mostly trying to figure out if we could give it to someone in the office, I wasn't worried about us taking it really.", She said as we were walking back to the office. This is when a little tiny bolt of lightning came down from the heavens and struck me in the evil part of my brain.

"What if we turned this around on him?", I said. "What do you mean?" "He doesn't know yet that you know its a prank. What if we turned it around on him with what you were just saying?" And so it was that I decided to flip the equation from my fiance to my best friend. The plan would be to tell him that Angie so worried for the kitten would send an email company-wide to everyone, letting them know we had a kitten that needed adopting.

When I told this to Mike, he thought it was genius. Most people would stop at this point and say this probably is a good spot to call it quits. But Mike is a balls to the wall kinda guy, and clearly wasn't thinking about the repercussions of if a real email got sent to 150 or so real people asking if they would like to adopt a cat that didn't really exist. What can I say, its why he's the best friend I have. This is the point where a devious nature and a knack for things that use electricity comes in handy. I asked Mike to find a picture of a kitten so I could show Angie. He immediately Googled the cutest and saddest little gray kitten he could find.

In the meantime I was busy creating a new person. Specifically a new executive at my company, named Michael Radenoff. It is with Mr. Radenoff's fabricated help, that I would pull the proverbial wool over my good friend's eyes for weeks to come. But more on that later. For now what you must know is Mr. R. got his own brand new hotmail account and would soon be mailing Mike Cannetti.

I sent Angie an email once he had found his kitten letting her know:

mike's gonna send you the picture soon. let me know when you get it. MWAHAHAHA

Soon Mike emailed us the picture, the quick chain followed:

From: Mike to Angie
Subject: Here is the kitty I got
-picture was attached here-

From: Angie to Mike
Subject: Re: Here is the kitty I got.
He's so cute! im sure we'll be able to find someone who will want him. Too tempting!

From: Mike to Angie
Subject: Re: Here is the kitty I got.
Yeah lets hope so. It would a shame to have to give him to the an animal shelter or something.

After receiving said kitten picture, and with a bit of free time during the rest of my lunch break I wrote what looked identical to a string of back and forth emails. Each carefully timestamped to give it realism, each matching outlooks reply's to really trick anyone who saw it. Since you would need to read it from the bottom up for it to make sense, I will instead reverse it for you so you can go on reading in a normal matter. As follows, the first email sent to Mike Cannetti:

This was sent off to Mike that afternoon with a demonic grin on my face. Little did I know it would take off and fly quite so far.

To be continued...